Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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