this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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