i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
