we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
