What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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