Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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