Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize