the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
