Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
