Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
