I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I see more hoeing in ur future
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
