we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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