Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
