did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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