shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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