I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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