I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
