Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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