just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
