I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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