he thought i was a dude.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
