I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
