I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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