glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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