Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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