i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
