if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
