Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
