he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
