My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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