good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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