I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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