she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
