I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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