I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
