is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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