If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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