You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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