Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This baby is an asshole
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
