I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
