I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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