escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
