Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
