oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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