I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i think i just lost a toe
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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