NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
