I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
