So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
