Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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