who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
