I need to stop coming to work sober
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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