i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
being pregnant is like rehab
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
