i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
