Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
