my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
