now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
