Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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