She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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