you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
