So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
