What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
