.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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