Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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