I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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