He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
