$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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