Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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