I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
