using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
