i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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