Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
