I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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