oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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