I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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