you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I could fuck to npr.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
