I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
