Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
