I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
