I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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