Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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