I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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